Monday, November 14, 2005

Lesson7: What Is Crazy About This Situation

Ok so I am crazy, I had dinner with one of my Fab friends this weekend, talking to her is like therapy to me. Because she is one of the very few people who know that I am a nut and I don't sensor myself for. As we talked I figured out that my behavior towards men is an adverse reaction to what I saw when I was growing up. I had strong women around me but they would always seem to buckle under the pressure of a man, and even as a little girl I found this to be strange. I will never forget I was 4 years old and my sister and I were at my grandmother's house and it was me her and her boyfriend at the time. The were arguing and he was threatening to leave. She threaten to hit him with a pan and he went towards the door she ran out of the kitchen and jumped in front of him and begged him not to go. I can remember standing in the living room watching this and thinking that this was one of the craziest things that I have ever seen and I was only four at the time. (clearly it stuck I am 23 and still remember this) Even as a little girl I wasn't very good at playing house because I wanted to be the boss of everyone and everything and I never wanted a husband.

I guess all of the things that I saw growing up affected me in a major way because it didn't stop with stories like that. I don't understand how women get so wrapped up in a man and lose themselves. My question is why I have seen it happen to many of my friends, I want to shake them and tell them to get over it why are you so wrapped up in this man. But then I think to myself Jessica everyone is not you. I think that people get lost in the idea of a relationship and being attached. Is it nice yes I am not going to take anything from the idea of relationships, but I don't think it is for me. I also don't think that I a ready to be in or capable of a relationship, I am too self centered and superficial. But that is something that I have embraced and vowed would only last a few more years (I think ok well maybe until I am 30)

I don't understand the dynamics of a romantic relationship because I have not seen good examples of them around me. My idea of a relationship I think is very simple:
1. I think that it should be a 50/50 thing.
2. Communication is key
3. Trust is very important
4. Always be yourself ( don't start things you don't plan to continue)
5. Speak your mind
6. Have fun
7. Don't loose who you are or give up what you believe in
8.Work together

These are just a few thing that I think are important but this is not everything because I cant limit myself to these eight things. It takes so much more to keep a relationship together.


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